A handful of heartfelt
hints for encouraging a grieving horse lover
Our long-time beloved family horse died several months ago, and I still miss
him. This loss also revived my sorrow over losing my very first horse, a challenging, but life-changing and once-in-a-lifetime mare, several years ago. I just heard that a once-naughty little show pony, who taught me to jump fences, was euthanized
yesterday. And a dear old gelding, belonging to a barn pal, is struggling to
stay standing today.
To a horse lover, losing an equine companion can be every
bit as grief-worthy as the passing of a human family member or a close friend.
What can caring folks
do or say to support someone who has just lost a horse?
Here are five ways to reach out to a grieving horse lover.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s use a horse acronym, “NEIGH.”
N = Never nicker.
Why do people always seem to practice verbal calisthenics,
stretching for all sorts of inappropriate things to say when others are
mourning? A grieving horse owner is not likely to be encouraged by trite
sayings, lame platitudes, personal horror stories of lost horses, or even
unwelcome advice while enduring the pits of grief.
E = Ears forward.
The most sensitive and caring friends offer to listen to the
mourning horse lover’s stories of grief, veterinary nightmares and even happy
memories shared with the horse that has died – even if those stories are repeated
numerous times.
NOTE: Written by this author, this copyrighted material
originally appeared on another publisher’s site. That site no longer exists.
This author holds all rights to this content. No republication is allowed without permission.
I = Instincts are
insightful.
Often, simply sharing silent moments of unspoken
understanding can be a marvelous way of showing compassion for the one who has
just lost a much-loved horse.
G = Gallop in with
good deeds.
When a horse has died, several difficult tasks may await the
equine’s owner. Helpful friends may offer to pitch in at such moments, if
appropriate.
For example, the grieving horse lover may need assistance in
cleaning out the horse’s stall, packing up saddles and tack, or making arrangements
for the horse’s remains. These responsibilities can be extremely emotional for
the one who is mourning, but a close friend may be able to help.
When my own horse died, two barn friends stayed with me by a
front pasture gate, visiting with other favorite horses, while her remains were
removed from the back of the barn. The sight would have been a difficult memory
to erase.
H = Hearken the herd.
Equestrian stables tend to be notorious for grapevine
gossip, like any other close-knit community. When a horse has died, the owner’s
friends can be extremely helpful by minimizing this, while compassionately
informing those who will most sympathize with what has happened (with the owner’s
permission). By running interference, so to speak, for the grieving horse
lover, these companions may enlist additional encouragers.
These five simple steps can go a long way towards expressing
care and concern for the mourning horse owner. Naysayers may beg to differ, but
equine experience speaks volumes on the subject.
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During my own season of mourning the loss of my mare, I
welcomed and valued the friends who offered no unsolicited advice, but
listened, empathized, offered assistance, and rallied other supportive
horse-loving friends to do the same.
Images:
Adapted from public domain photo
Book cover – Fair use
(This writer is author of the featured book.)
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