“Hi. I’m _____, and I am a horse addict.”
OK, I admit it. I’ve been addicted to horses for longer than
I can remember, from the very first muzzle
nuzzle. This may be a hard habit to break. In fact, I’m not sure I want to.
Not to stir up
trouble … but perhaps that’s the mane point.
Still, it seems somehow prudent to propose a 12-step program
for horse addicts. After all, there seems to be a 12-step
program for nearly every other sort of addiction.
So, with all due apologies to existing
recovery programs (which honestly do a world of good for innumerable
individuals), here are my 12 Steps for
Horse Addicts.
Remember, you herd
it here – at The Mane Point.
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12 Steps for Horse Addicts
Hold on tight. This may be a rough ride … or not.
1. The horse addict must admit that he or she has become
powerless over the overpowering addiction
to horses – and this his or her life has become unmanageable (or unstable).
After all, the first step is always to recognize that the
addiction exists. In the case of a horse addiction, of course, the best course
is simply to enjoy it with unbridled
enthusiasm.
2. The horse addict must come to believe that a higher
power (such as a precise piaffe, a clean round of show jumping, a flawless trail
pattern, or a record-breaking rodeo ride) could restore him or her to
sanity.
What greater pleasure might there be for a horse addict than
to feel the power of a perfect ride (particularly if the horse
show judge happens to be looking)?
3. The horse addict must make a decision to turn his or her
entire financial assets over to the care and training of his or her horses.
Horse addicts understand the benefits of reining in horses, but equine-related expenses
may be another matter altogether.
4. The horse addict must make a searching and fearless
inventory of the contents of every saddle and tack shop within a 100-mile
radius, as well as many online vendors.
This inventory, of course, is ongoing. To a horse addict, the
hunt for tacky items is a good thing. With this in mind, many an equestrian
has sought
a sponsor to further the cause.
Recovery or enablement? You be the judge.
5. The horse addict must admit to God, himself or herself, and
everyone else that he or she would rather talk
about horses than any other subject that may be suggested.
Let’s face it. No genuine horse addict wants to be corralled into conversing upon topics
that run far afield of things
equine.
6. The horse addict must be fully prepared to drop
everything for any chance to saddle up – anytime and anywhere – at a moment’s
notice.
7. The horse addict must humbly ask his or her horses for
forgiveness for each day that he or she has failed to provide carrots, horse
cookies, and other treats – or thorough
grooming.
The good news is that horses tend to be forgiving creatures,
eager to accept gifts and grooming from those who will humble themselves enough
to curry favor by offering such
amends.
8. The horse addict must make a list of all significant
humans (family members and friends) with whom he or she has failed to spend
quality time … and shred
that list on the way to the barn.
It’s all about priorities, when it comes to horse
addictions. True horse addicts care not about jockeying for social position. They often buck the system, because their real acceptance comes in the
pasture.
9. The horse addict must make amends to significant humans
he or she may have offended through lack of attention, except when to do so
might detract from the attention required by his or her equine companions.
Again, proper priorities will spur horse
addicts to make the appropriate choices here.
10. The horse addict must continually update personal
inventories of riding apparel and equipment, supplementing these supplies with
additional items whenever possible.
For a true horse addict, this step is a cinch.
Still, relationships may be breeched when significant
others do not share the same passion for things equine. This is the point,
in the 12-step process, for tough love. If a significant other does not come to
a point of acceptance of the horse addiction, then perhaps it is time to give
that individual the proverbial boot.
11. The horse addict must seek every opportunity to improve
his or her contact with horses (as he or she understands
horses), making every conceivable effort to learn more about horses and to
gain experience and expertise in enjoying equines.
Well, duh. Even a numnah
knows this step is a given for horse addicts.
12. The horse addict must admit to having had a spiritual
awakening, recognizing that horses
are essential to happy and healthy living and that the horse addiction is
one well worth preserving. In addition, the horse addict will strive to carry
this important message to other potential horse addicts.
"Horse poor, Heart rich.
Ask me now. I'd never switch."
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Ever herd of hippotherapy? Hey, horse addiction is therapeutic.
Nearly everyone knows that a bit of
horseback riding is good for one’s balance. Before anyone mounts a campaign against horse addiction, a key question must be
addressed:
How many other
addictions can actually improve balance?
C’mon. Pony up. Swing
one leg over the saddle, and you’ll be hooked.
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